a man in the chinese restaurant today

went on about the president
and how he had caused the debt.

the new party, he said, would focus on two things
getting rid of the debt
and getting rid of regulations on business
so they could grow and hire people

and i thought, does he understand?
has the phrase 'collateralized debt obligation' ever passed his lips?
does he know how an SPE can get around Basel II regulatory capital requirements?
and the point of a credit default swap against a pool of credit card debt?

that business has been unregulated
and this is where the debt came from
there are regulations about debt
there were
they are gone

and both parties enjoyed it

i think he might understand
a synthetic CDO or shorting of a REMIC tranche
in the proper space and time
where people can listen to each other
and learn things

arresting people

Zhao Lianhai organized parents whose children were harmed by the 2008 Chinese baby milk scandal. He had an article on wikipedia, but it was deleted, apparently for not being 'notable enough'. In late 2010, he was sentenced to 2.5 years in prison. This sure as hell made him 'notable' because now there are hundreds of articles about him pouring over the internet. And his article is back up on 'the pedia'. For good this time. One hopes.

there was this site.

it is one of the most ... stunning pieces of documentary film work ive ever seen. and that was only from watching the '30 minute free preview'. but what do i know?

it was made by a person named moonshine. screen name. she was a porn 'model', a term she finds to be nonsense. yeah. in her words, it was brainwashing, and rape, and torture... the consent involved, in her analysis, was not very consensual.

i felt like this documentary was getting to the core of something about life... especially 'corporate life', massive organizational life, but i dont know what.

she tried to advertise on indymedia, and not much anyplace else. she was shouted down there. shouted down and shouted down.

her site went offline afterwards. afterwards. shortly afterwards.

she did one interview that i know of... these people were called, xxxchurch, they were christian activists, they had a radio show, shows about humanistic topics, . the particular episode was "Dirty Little Secrets:Episode 4 A Porn Star Talks (featuring Moonshine)" and the interview is touching and sad.

now her site site is down. there is almost no trace of it left on the net. there are bits and pieces left from 2005, at, and it is mentioned on a few discussion boards. and her posts, (or those by her partner, Ammo-deus), can still be found on indymedia. but.. it's mostly gone.

is she out there? somewhere? her and her partner who helped her make the film?

why did she not get some sundance deal, while all of this pretentious art college depressed writer stuff gets accolades.

the video is hard to watch. sorta like dworkin is hard to read. i think this kid is like dworkin in some way.

laying it out there. but much more ... hitting at the core. why?

she actually intereviewed her 'enemies'. she asked them questions. she got it on camera.


i still dont understand it. . . . . . . but i cant forget it.


update november 2010

so some people (not moonshine) have made a new documentary. 'graphic sexual horror'.

and where is xxxexpose? and moonshine? and ammo-deus?

and the puzzling piece.. is this.

the internet is 'erasable'. if someone doesn't like what you put on it, they can get rid of it.

and they can silence you.

where is xxxexpose? where is moonshine? where is ammo-deus?

they had plans to do interviews and a tour. they had plans and plans.

interrupted. plans interrupted. and nobody can say why.

silence. silence and silence.

the opposite of truth. the opposite of free speech.

do yourself a favor. try and find a copy of 'the bridge', a movie about scientology. now try to find the director. aaaah you can't, can you? he disowned the film. why? because scientology 'got to him'. sort of like someone 'got to' anna politkovskaya.

but the truth itself? you can never 'get to' that, can you? no. there's always someone who remembers, or someone who goes digging through an attic, or someone who goes and starts asking questions, because that is what we are, besides blood and bags of water, we are the animal that questions.

"it is not the crime that gets you
it is the coverup".



XXXChurch Interview

A brief summary of Moonshine's interview on XXXChurch. Words are summarized
and not direct quotes, although they contain much of the same language she used.

Podcast, Dirty Little Secrets 4,
Hosts: Mike Foster, Craig Gross
Guest: Moonshine
Date: late 2005
Time: 56:38

In this interview Moonshine covers the following topics.

How girls are recruited into 'the business'.
  • need for money
  • history of abuse (so they think its 'normal')
    • i.e. if their fathers or families treated them in an abusive manner, then they accept it from the website owner.
  • start out 'soft' (stripping) and it leads from there to other areas of the industry.
  • After she interviewed many girls, she found patterns of manipulation, pressure, tricks, etc.
  • If trouble comes, such as unwanted publicity, it is the girls who get it, because the guy's faces are usually unseen in many of the videos. One girl's high school peers bullied her after finding a video
How Moonshine was recruited to Insex
  • She was at BondCon in Las Vegas
  • She was drawn to the artistic visual nature of much of the work she saw there
  • Someone sent her to the insex table
  • She signed consent forms about various limits, which she says she didn't understand
  • She is 'flown out' to NY
  • She worked there for about a year
The government / law / rights
  • She says the government could do something if it wanted to, but it doesn't.
  • She says she interviewed an FBI employee on a 'porn taskforce' who gave up after many years of trying to prosecute criminal activities in the industry, because his bosses did not support him.
  • She says "[this is legalized criminal activity, its recorded on film, people can see it, they're not being prosecuted, they're not being brought to justice]"
  • She describes a disillusionment with the idea that people's rights are protected in the US.
  • On the Porn Task Force - She believes it is a 'mental tactic' to shift the argument from dealing with criminal activities, (presumably like rape and assault and requiring someone to eat feces as a condition of employment) and shifting the debate it to an artificial one between 'pro porn' and 'anti porn'
  • She describes what she witnessed as men '[legally raping people on film]'.
Bangbus / Max Hardcore / The Trend
  • She describes the operation of Bangbus: they say they will pay women to have sex in a van, and then do not pay them and drive off. She interviews a site manager.
  • She describes it as part of a wider trend in pornography, which has as it's central concepts the following:
    • humiliation
    • degradation
    • people are expendable
    • people are disposable
    • the individual does not matter
    • like McDonalds, 'stamp em out' pornography
    • Max Hardcore is a 'father figure' of this trend, others 'look up' to him.

She discusses what she thinks the material does to the viewer
  • it desensitizes people
  • it conditions people
  • you start separating yourself from the pain and humiliation of the person
  • you start seeing human beings as objects
  • all of this translates into interactions with other people because sexuality is a core foundation of the human personality and character.
Feces pornography
  • She discusses this subset of the industry, linking it to other themes she has discussed, especially how pornographers seek out abused people with psychological problems, and use this against them, conditioning them and reinforcing abusive behavior.
  • She describes her interview with Roxy, who has been 'trained' to be a 'toilet slave', and consume human feces, by the methods mentioned before, i.e. conditioning and using her abused past against her.
  • Roxie has no family or other way to earn money. She is basically trapped.
  • Moonshine interviewed a lawyer who defended a scat site in an obscenity trial, and the defense argument was that there are 600,000 scat sites, so it makes no sense to prosecute only one.
Glamour / AVN / image:
  • "There's no giant billboards of women, covered in cum, their makeup streaming down crying, being beaten, eating feces. There's no pictures of that at AVN."

------ Update: 2011. Moonshine and

I know that has basically taken over the internet. Almost every 'bondage' sex website links to Almost every performer has done a "shoot" on What is the connection? I have been stewing about this for months, years actually. There is actually a link between insex and - and his name is PD, aka S... ok. You go google it yourself, dear reader.

You see, when PD was basically dis-invited from the State of New York he went instead to the State of California, where is perfectly approved of by the local government. I don't know the details, I'm guessing that someone will find them out, some day, eventually, and write a book and/or journalistic exposé. Not me. I'm a punk blogger with no money and no talent.

But I cannot help but throw a few tidbits into the pond.

Like the connection between and PD - does it mean that there is also a connection between everything that Moonshine said about insex, and what she would probably say about if she were still out speaking her mind. Maybe she is and I just don't know it. Or maybe she isn't.

Look at the facts though. Look up this shoot with 'Chanta Rose' and 'Moonshine' for affiliated 'whippedass'. Now. What does want you to believe about this shoot? It was two 'models' having good clean fun. See the smiling faces at the bottom of the page? See how much everyone enjoys it?

Now, let's look at what Moonshine would say about this. What she alludes to in her XXXChurch interview and her XXXexpose film is that the upbringing of many 'models' was horrifically abusive and dsyfunctional. The people that ran insex played on this. If your father or others beat you naked and raped you, then what is the difference if a website operator does it? And they pay you for letting them do it to you?

In Moonshine's light, the Chanta Rose / Moonshine video is maybe not a playful bit of naughty fun - maybe it is a re-enactment of her traumatic childhood, with the cameras rolling. She gets payed for it - of course, not payed scale, like a real actor, and not with union oversight, like real actors have. That is perhaps why, insex, and many other sites use the term 'model' instead of 'actor'. Models don't have unions. Actors do. But I digress.

Whatever was going on at insex, is quite probably the same thing going on at Everything people say that happened in the 'graphic sexual horror' "documentary" is quite probably happening at How do we know? Because many of the same people are involved.


an interesting comment from on 'graphic sexual horror' which was about insex:

"The dude basically raped girls who allowed themselves to be raped because they thought the money would be worth it."

Agree? Is there more to it? Is that the basic gist? Why did they think the money would be worth it? How did it happen? Where does the cult psychology come in? The history of abuse? Manipulation? Does it not exist?


Future plans for this page:

A brief summary of '30 minute free preview' of


so we died...

i turned on my lights
i did not care where the coal came from
i typed on my computer
i did not care where they keys came from
i watched pornography
i did not care where the girls came from
i ate my dinner
i did not care where the meat came from

i refuse to care
because i want to celebrate and live my life
singing hey yo

and besides
nobody cared where i came from.

tik tok by ke$ha

this song sounds like a country song to me.

it has alcoholism - 'i brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack'
it has leaving - 'when i going out well i aint coming back'
it has sadness, loneliness, and longing - 'you build me up, you break me down, my heart is empty'
it has tragic empty relationships - 'boys wanna touch our junk, smack em if they get too drunk'
it has despair and ennui - 'tik tok goes the clock but the party dont stop'

this song, it feels sad, lonely, full of longing. maybe like a townes van zandt song..

so there are many things to write about

and to keep a job, you don't write about them.

this isn't death, and it's not life. it's limbo.

'get another job'. yeah. hire me.

so i remember unemployment. the long days of nothingness.
doing something, anything. wondering and waiting.

i had a place to live and food to eat. but would i this next time?

without a job, one becomes homeless quickly. quickly.

george carlin was right. they keep the homeless around
to scare the shit out of everyone else.

Two Sarahs

In the library Sarah Palin and Sarah Silverman's book were right next to each other.

I read both of them. Unfortunately I didn't pay much attention. But a brief description.

Sarah SilvermanSarah Palin
working, doing theatre, moving to NYC cleaning fish, elk, picking berries, prepa ring for winter
fartsorganic salmon
the media is mean to her, but kind of rightthe media is mean to her, but kind of evil
tricked by mtvtricked by john mccain's staff
agonizes over hurting peopleagonizes over her family being hurt
discusses parentsdiscusses children
holocaust jokesnot really her type of humor
god jokessee above
takes principled stands on unionizing crew, and on 'pee' vs 'pee pee'fights big oil and the republican establishment in alaska, and 'extreme liberals'
loves TVhates hollywood, watches a lot of TV
does not discuss boyfriendwrites alot about husband
detailed discussion of friendsnot so revealing about friends

Later, the library put Silverman's book next to Karl Rove's book. Somehow the idea of Sarah Silverman's book, with very uhm graphic and humorous picture of a penis, and another picture of her coworkers sniffing each other's butts, placed a foot away from Karl Rove's proud, steadfast visage, made me laugh inside for some reason. Although in theory I am more like Rove than Silverman, I'm fat, bald, like computers, I dream of power, and my boss calls me 'turd blossom'. Or at least she thinks it. I'm sure of it.

--- up date June 11 --

Been pondering this book . . . apparently in New York there is some kind of debate about allowing guys to sit in libraries and jerk off. Having worked in a library and seen the kinds of creepy behavior it attracts, I put myself in the category of harshly attacking the first-amendment fantasies of the ignorant and the clueless. Libraries are already 'censored' , its called 'weeding', and 'acquisitions'. There are limited funds and the library decides how to spend them. What about the rights of women and children to use the library free from fear? What about the internet? Etc etc, it is an old debate. Part of it is this: should books in the public library have 'pictures of genitals'?

I suppose it depends on context. What of anatomy books? Or pornography (literally, pictures of prostitution)?

Silverman's book apparently would fall under 'comedy'. Although I could imagine well and good a city council member using it for political purposes denouncing the taxpayer funding of obscenity etc etc. And does the library restrict access to these books by children? No, it just has a "children's section" of the library.

Anyways. I have no idea where the debate ends.

hairless apes

"It is important for female mountain gorillas to develop strong relationships with males because males offer such services as protection against predators, protection against infanticide by other males, and mating opportunities (Watts 2001). "

And humans?

the inter net

"And the internet has really narrowed everything. It was supposed to be this place where anyone can find anything but it’s just sort of bred an oppressive monoculture that insinuates itself into everything"

Quote from sara marcus from the Washington City Paper, 2010 11 5, Interiew with Moe Tkacik

dead voice

dont write about me
dont take a photo
dont paint my picture
be quiet and be silent
like me