Job application for a bank

Begin Form

Thank you for applying for a job with Happy Bank Inc, a leading Fortune 100 bank serving customers across twenty five states and three territories!

1. Name

2. Date of Birth

3. Employment history

4. Question and answer

Have you ever stolen anything?

Did you get caught?

What steps have you taken to keep from getting caught in the future?

Did you talk to the police?

What did you tell them?

Did you rat out your friends and associates, or keep quiet?

What is your facebook password?



Do you need a loan? Car loan? Student loan? Home mortgage?

This concludes your application. Thank you for applying! All information will be kept somewhat confidential. Would you like to receive additional offers from our business partners?

Yes / No

(Please circle Yes).

End Form.


"Spent the [morning at] Zuccotti park; Many in OWS are marxist/uninformed, but they're a lot more pleasant than the morons on Wall Street I deal with"

-Charles Gasparino's twitter account, via Gasparino wrote the crisis book "The Sellout", a grotesquely beautiful work in that it captures the vulgarity and brutality of Respectable Wall Street better than most of the other crisis books.

"I don’t advise going down to Zuccotti Park to have a serious conversation with the protesters, given their growing propensity toward violence and the growing revolutionary tone of the movement."

Gasparino's "follow up" in the New York Post.