Do I hate internet or just people?

There are two main groups of visitors to this blog.

1. People looking for the xxxexpose website, and not finding it

2. People looking for my incredibly short post on desomorphine, a low-rent heroin replacement that results in youtube videos where (frequently) Russian people have holes in their appendages with bone showing through.

The group 1 are not interested in the xxxexpose documentary, I can almost guarantee it, because I have had to delete a bunch of the comments about the documentary. The documentary's main point is that a certain pornography website, which has tentacles in most of the porn industry now, was based on filmed instances of rape and torture, not pretend, not play acting. Actual rape and torture in some instances. She is saying that it's basically the most harmful forms of street prostitution broadcast over the internet, and somehow having a camera there makes it so that the police won't touch it. And there are tons of people (she, Moonshine) interviews that try to say it's 'academically or morally justified'.

Almost none of these people visiting my website care about all that. They aren't interested. They just typed in 'xxxexpose' because they wanted to see a spectacle and/or wank. If they cared, they would probably leave a comment, or there would probably be more than one website on the internet that talks about the documentary (namely, mine). You know who gets comments on videos? People on youtube talking about their pet cat farting, or their iphone. Maybe if you could somehow incorporate cats farting and prostitution of physically abused runaways people would talk about it. Whatever.

The group 2 are not interested in the sociological or health care industry implications of desomorphine. I can tell this because Blogger Stats says these people almost invariably typed in "How to make desomorphine" to get to my blog. They are interested in making desomorphine. Oh, and by the way, making desomorphine in your basement will probably cause your skin to rot off. Or the skin of your 'customers'. Do these people care? No. No, they don't.

tom wait's "time"

well the smart money's on harlow
and the moon is in the street
and the shadow boys are breaking all the laws
you're east of east st louis
and the wind is making speeches
and the rain sounds like a round of applause
. . .

this is the beginning of Tom Wait's song "Time" (lyrics at link).

i struggled to understand this song for a long time. i could find not much help
on the internet. two days ago i was extremely ill, and delirious with pain. now i feel much closer to it.

the verses are not a narrative. they are not stories. they aren't even complete thoughts. they are impressions. snippets of dialog. i don't know if there are three main characters, but i might call them three main pains.

the first is loneliness. for the character is a traveling entertainer and things are not working out.

the second is physical pain. for the character is a sailor wounded in battle, waving in and out of consciousness, with thoughts only coalescing into semi-complete forms periodically...

the third is psychological/emotional pain. she is a prostitute who must pay the rent while disconnecting her mind from her body. she is driven to suicidal cutting (pigeons=blood drops) by the treatment she receives from others.

on the other hand, they are all lonely. and where does the time you loved come in?

these are not coherent stories. they are pangs. they are clips of thoughts, impressions of human beings. it is not townes van zandt. it is only these fleeting, images.

and yet in delirium, images are all that we might get... and are they not real then?

and where does the time you loved come in?

is it another image, in delirium?